Apart but still together...

I've seen several instances where a married couple separates, & one of the parties goes out and starts a new relationship, has a kid, etc. Am I incorrect in what I thought separation meant for married couples? I thought it was a time to work on the marriage while also giving some space, but still staying true to the marriage...

Did separation change? I'm lost, or at least not okay w/ how this new version of it works...

Am I Enough?

Not sure if you all saw the Single Ladies episode where Val's man asked her to spend the rest of her life w/ him without marriage. He was a "great catch"...sweet, adoring, stable, handsome, sincere, etc. and had been married 2 or 3 times in the past. He just wasn't willing to do it again. So he offered Val a lifetime commitment, just without the marriage and the ring.

Her friends criticized her for walking out on the offer, but from Val's perspective, how could she give up something she's dreamed of her whole life?

So I'm just wondering...if put in the same situation, would your man's love be enough if offered w/o any hope of marriage?

160 CHARACTERS OR LESS

"You had this whole conversation over text?"

I called my best male friend (BMF) to tell him the latest about the guy I had been seeing off and on for two years. This was his only question after hearing me go on and on about my relationship woes. I wanted some sound advice but we couldn't move forward with our conversation until I answered his question.

"Yes, over text."

His response: Hell naw, there is never a good reason to talk over text.

Me: Yes there is. Texting is a popular form of communication you know. And what if he's at work or I'm at work or I'm busy and can't talk at the moment? That's a good reason to text.

Him: If you're busy then call later. There is no reason to text. If you're at work call when you get off. That's what we did back in the day. Ya'll getting out of control. If you're over thirty I don't want to hear shit about texting. We didn't grow up with that shit. Shiit, we just started using email. You can't talk over text. That's stupid. Call someone later. You know better.

Now, I'm usually one to have a bunch of comebacks and arguments to prove my point. I had none. He was right. There was no reason to have an extended conversation over text. I had fallen victim to the, "This is what people do. We're in a technology fueled society. Instant access."

Why was I getting carpal tunnel in my thumbs banging out multiple text messages and bbm's? How come I wasn't just picking up the phone and actually talking? I used to always say: I have the bomb ass phone conversation. Now, I rarely get to show off my conversational skills because I'm too busy texting. And truth be told, I get annoyed by texting!

Annoyance #1: You text me. I call you. You don't answer but text me back and ask what's up.

Annoyance #2: Text Courage. If you wouldn't say it directly to me don't say it over text.

Annoyance #3: Texting at the dinner table. Just because you're not actually having a conversation doesn't mean it's not rude. Get out your phone.

I can admit I get lost in my cell phone at times. I'm definitely guilty of sending a flurry of text messages and having discussions over text message. I do enjoy my group chat with my line sisters on blackberry messenger. I also like to send and receive flirty text in the middle of the day or get a good piece of gossip.

But I also miss a good three-way call too. I miss the late night conversation, the good kind where you lay on your bed with all the lights out, television off and maybe the Quiet Storm playing in the background (those of ya'll that are old enough will remember the Quiet Storm time on the radio).

While I listened to my BMF's advice on how to deal w/the on-again-off-again situation, I thought about how you can't say all that you need to say in a 160 characters or less. How do I know your really laughing? LOL has become a term I use when I don't really have anything to say. But anyone who has had a conversation with me knows I say, "That's funny," when I find something humorous that doesn't warrant a full on belly laugh. You can't convey your excitement, your sadness, your anger, no matter how many different emoticons you use.

In having this conversation with my BMF I realized I needed to get back to the old school me and doing things the way I liked to do them. Not become slave to technology and lazy communication.

I get that texting is convenient. I will not wholly abandon texting but I will no longer have full conversations over text. Especially, those conversations that should incite someone to pick up the phone and call. I will not meet a guy and answer 50-11 questions about my likes, dislikes, and other information about myself over text message. I don't have enough characters to show you even ¼ of me. I can wait for the late night phone call.

As my BMF and I brought our 4 hour conversation to a close, he said, "Now this is how you have a conversation."

Indeed my friend indeed.

 

 

 

To freeze or not to freeze....

I was watching "What Chilli Wants" the other night and she was considering freezing her eggs as a "back-up plan" in case she doesn't get married any time soon. I looked into it further & it says that women 40+ only have a 10% chance of getting pregnant, & if they do, there is a 1 in 66 chance that something will be wrong with the child.

The costs to do egg freezing aren't cheap by any means...but as we are reaching our mid 30s mark & mostly unmarried, if you had the funds, would you consider freezing your eggs?